Finding Resilience in Life’s Hard Knocks — Lessons from My Dad

Growing up, my dad felt larger than life. He could fix just about anything, and as a contractor operating heavy machinery, I found it fascinating to watch him work as a child. We often spent time together outdoors or driving around town. Through my childlike eyes, he was incredibly important — even though, in reality, he was just an ordinary man doing his job and living his life.

It wasn’t until I became a young adult that I saw beyond this facade. I discovered the personal struggles, flaws, and battles he kept hidden from most people. As an adult, I realized how lonely, meek, and small he truly felt inside, and how he leveraged those feelings on everyone else . It was like a window into his soul — except I was the only one who could see through. 

My parents divorced when I was eight, and I still vividly remember overhearing the conversation when my dad asked my mom for a divorce — a moment I probably shouldn’t have heard from the next room.

After the divorce, he lived a reckless lifestyle — engaging in the partying typical of one’s twenties, not a man with two children in his early 30’s.  He was also constantly embroiled in lawsuits, often battling over matters of principle and not logic. As a kid, I didn’t think much of it; as an adult, I wonder why he deliberately subjected himself to so much stress.

All I ever wanted was to make my broken family happy. Working for my dad as a young adult, shaped my understanding of my dad’s pain and resilience within my family. My dad was constantly weighed down by his imperfections and setbacks. Life moved on despite his choices, but I’m not sure he ever truly learned from them or took a step forward. Instead, he often reacted by trying to tear down those he felt had wronged him.

Watching him fight his own battles, I learned the importance of choosing my battles wisely, accepting imperfection, learning through trial and error, and always moving forward. When he died at 49, I had no choice but to follow that path. 

Setbacks are inevitable, but the real challenge is finding the strength to get back up—even when it feels impossible. Too many people struggle just to stand again. I wish my father could have stood tall and felt proud of himself for taking a chance, just as I was proud of him.